Four changes if I were king of America

I’ve made them non-political, strictly symbolic. They are

  1. The national anthem shall be changed to America the Beautiful; an accessible song with a solid melody and natural meter; and the Star Spangled Banner will be consigned to history, where it will be of much interest to our eventual tone-deaf robot overlords
  2. Daylight Savings Time shall be abolished. Trying to fool the sun sets a bad example for children and weakens our moral fiber
  3. Calvin Coolidge shall be worked into Presidents Day somehow. We’re long overdue for rewarding people who do their job quietly, with no drama
  4. We shall come up with a simple way to properly fold the US Flag that does not require two people

What would y’all do?

One comment

  1. 1) I’d switch us to GMT time. Partly as an abolishment of DST, and partly as punishment for the tyrannical idiocy of having to go to lunch at “noon” no matter where you live.

    2) I would make political parties illegal and have them classified as being organized crime networks. Not that it would matter since I’m King.

    3) I would lower the number of offenses that would require a jail sentence astronomically, but I would replace the punishment with a good old-fashioned ass-whoopin’, clearly defined in degree. You may not have to do a month long stretch anymore, but you might have to be publicly spanked or whipped in front of your friends and family, probably while being mocked too.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *